Damned if you do

Overhead yesterday:

"My doctor said I can't eat chocolate or nuts because of this cold sore [gesturing to the red weep accenting the mouth], because, you know, I've got herpes.  But I have this whole jar of Nutella just sitting on my desk.  So I don't know what to do.  I'm screwed."

Oh, America, you swath of Ur-urges.
In the name of These States, shall I scorn the antique? 
Why These are the children of the antique, to justify it.

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